Texas Wrestler Accidentally Eats Bowl of Cereal, Won’t Be Able To Eat On Thanksgiving

Ortiz thought she was dreaming when she ate a bowl of Reese’s Puffs. She wasn’t.

by Patterson Kane, AWW staff writer
“Not-So-News News” Satire

ARMADILLO, TX – High school wrestler Sofia Ortiz of Armadillo High in Texas, cutting weight for a match next week, accidentally ate a massive bowl of Reese’s Puffs this morning, eliminating any hope of eating on Thanksgiving tomorrow.

It happened in the early hours this morning. “I’ve always like Reese’s Puffs,” said the wrestler. “I thought I was having a dream about eating it, but as it turned out, I was actually eating it.”

The “bowl” was actually a punch bowl, and Ortiz has emptied the entire box into it. “Like I said,” she explained. “It was early in the morning and I thought I was dreaming.”

Ortiz had been trying to make the 128-pound class for a match next week against league rival Buck River, but after the bowl of cereal, she’ll be lucky to make 138. “I weigh 146 right now,” confessed Ortiz. “Now there’s no way I can eat tomorrow. Plus I’m gonna have to be sweating all day. I called my coach and he was really upset.”

The Armadillo coach could not be reached for comment.