Santa Claus Rejected as Iowa Coaching Candidate

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by Patterson Kane, beat writer

IOWA CITY, IOWA – Unconfirmed sources have let the cat out of the bag, or should we say elf. Santa Claus aka Kris Kringle put his name in as a coaching candidate for the women’s Iowa job last month but was beaten out by Olympic bronze medalist Clarissa Chun.

“To be honest,” said one official, “we never seriously considered him.”

“Well, first of all, I was looking for a change of scenery,” said Kringle. “I could have run my operations out of Iowa City but it wasn’t meant to be. Second, I think I could beat Chun in a wrestling match as I outweigh her by like 150 pounds, but in the end they didn’t give that much consideration and wouldn’t allow me to wrestle her off.”

Unbeknownst to the public, Kringle won a youth tournament in the Netherlands in 1773.

When asked if the Brands brothers would get any coal this year, Kringle said he doesn’t share that kind of information with the public.